Whats your Rashee?

Disclaimer: The following analysis is completely based on my own study of the zodiac and personal experiences with the respective females. It may not have any actual bearing of the sun sign in general or the persons in particular.

PS: This is going to be a long post.

what-s-your-raasheeAstrology is one of my favourite subjects. I like talking about it. So when Ashutosh Gowarikar has decided to release his much awaited movie ‘Whats your Rashee’ this week end, I thought this is a good opportunity for me to go deep and study the 12 women (of 12 different rashees) and give you a peak in from my eye. I hope you admire each of them. Find your self if YOU are one of them, or find your other, sister, girl friends or a wife.

Pisces: Let us start with the most charming of them all. A Piscean girl is the one almost every guy would fall for at the first sight. But he might change his opinion after spending some time with her though. A piscean girl is sweet, charming and very much womanly. She can sit with you all day admiring you and your manly characters. She will adore the flowers and will want you to take her to beautiful places in the world. But she can be deceptive too. Beware of her rare temper upswings. For this fish, when angry, can make you cry. A piscean girl is also very emotional. If you are going to going to tell her a bad news, make sure you take a packet of tissue papers. For she might need all of them. (Some Pisceans I know- Kshitija (my cousin), Manjiri (A good old friend) )

Aquarius: If you are dealing with a boss or a colleague who frequently changes her opinion and is characterised with mood swings, you are probably dealing with an Aquarian female. She is not the one who will charm the wits out of you, unlike a Piscean female. She is not the emotional type of person. And moreover, she loves her space and freedom. With Aquarians, you often feel that they are not loyal to you. In fact it is other way round. An aquarian, like a butterfly, might sit on every flower. But once committed, she will stand by her decision. She will give you the freedom to live the way you want, as she needs this too. Dont try to burden her with too much emotional bounds. She doesn’t need to be protected. (Some Aquarians I know- Madhura (School friend), Rajni (MBA friend), Vihitha )

Capricorn: Are you dealing with a Capricorn female? You probably know it already. She is hard working, she commands respect and more so, authority. Yet you will be bowled by the subtlety and sensuality of a Capricorn. You might find one skimpy clad babe on the beach and another geek buried beneath a truckload of book. Whatever they do, they do it with a purpose. They are an earth sign. So undoubtedly they are practical. They are like goddesses when it comes to mannerism and sensibilities. You need to praise them, and praise them well to keep them happy. Be sure before you criticise. Capricorn’s dont like being dragged around. If you are looking for a sexy, well-mannered, clean and sensual partner, learn your lines, brush your teeth and go for her. (Some Capricorns I know- Chaitali (childhood friend), Snehal (A good friend and ex. colleague), Bhavana )

Sagittarius: Cant beat your girl in war of words? Check, she might be a Sagittarian. These females with a horse body and gifted with a sharp tongue, which often goes against them. They tend to spite you with their dialogues, which may not be taken in the right spirit every time. The problem with them is that they are down right honest. So you might not spend too much time dreaming with them. A spade for them is a spade, just another card. But if you ignore this, beneath their crocodile skin they are a very enthusiastic females. They like enjoying life and are very light hearted. She is emotional too, though she feels better concealing them most of the time. Often you enjoy being in her company courtesy her charm and communication skills.  (Some Sagittarians I know- Rachita (sister in law), Dipti and Priti (Good friends and ex. colleague), My mother in law)

Scorpio: Two words describe a scorpian female, Enigmatic and Mysterious. A relationship with her make you feel you are actually drawn to her magical powers, although you want to resist it. She will hypnotise you and mesmerise you, and she knows she can do it. In her, you might find the most dedicated lover. But do not ever try to insult her. For if you do, be ready for a tirade of sarcastic volleys all thrown at you with vengeance. In fact, scorpions are characterised with intense emotions, boy or a girl. It is difficult for her to be neutral. Either she will be full of passion and energy, or full of revenge. Determination and will power, whether in love or at work, dominate her traits. And if she is passionate about work, she will want her partner to dream high as well. She will not let you fail and she will not let you stop as well. Possessiveness is another strong venom she possesses. If you are her partner, make sure you dont give her a chance to doubt you for even a second. Otherwise may god save you. (Some Scorpios I know- Neha(cousin), Poonam and Sanjana (Good friends and ex. colleague), Sheetal Tai)

Libra: In marketing terms, a Libra woman is your one stop shop for all the needs. She is strong yet charming, intelligent yet timid, well mannered and delightfully elegant. She likes getting into arguments, bowling you over with her charm and winning the arguments with your heart as a bonus. She is clinical in most things she does. She is cleanliness freak and likes her partner to help her keep the house clean. She likes to smile a lot and you will often be bowled over by her charm. She likes to talk but will also offer a good ear when you need one. She will match the stroke to stroke in a tennis match and be equally passionate when in bed. One problem with Libra females is that they are a bit indecisive at times. Not that they lack courage. They are always unsure of the altercation. If you are planning to run away with a Libra, make sure you dont leave the decision on her. If you are successful wooing a Libra, your life will be full of smiles. (Some Libra’s I know- My mother, Aditi (cousin), Neelam (Good friend), Shruti, (Good friend and ex. colleague) )

Virgo: My counterpart! Virgo women are normally the courageous selves. Not that they are not charming. In fact they have one of the best womanly charm. However this is combined with lot of guts! Virgo women’s characteristics profile is an odd mix of emotions and practicality, romance and common sense. If she loves you, she will be extremely loyal and will go lengths to make sure you are alright. For a virgo female, her family is of utmost importance. At times, this pretty virgin is very critical and demanding as well. You might often have to land at her doorsteps with flowers because you hurt her feelings. She is subtle and intelligent. She is romantic too, but doesn’t like expressions too much. So no PDA with your Virgo girl. Let her do what she wants and she will be the best person on earth to be with. She has a rare ability to discuss both economy of countries and romantic poetries in the same forum. (Some Virgins I know- My grand mother, Pallavi (Good friend), Saumya (MBA friend), Jasmin (Good friend and ex. colleague), Shibani (good friend) )

Leo: The lioness is characterised with high flying tempers and very egoistic nature. There are times when you might want to run away from a Leo female. She is so bossy and domineering. But that is one trait that makes her the center of attraction every where she goes. The lioness knows how to grab eye balls. She is sensual, sexy and with lot of oomph and she knows that. She believes she is the queen and she leaves no chances to let others know that as well. Class and elegance are her virtues. The lioness is a combination of intelligence, wit, strength and talent, mixed with generous amounts of feminine charm. When in relationship, she can be the kindest person and will love you with utmost devotion. At the same time, she is extremely jealous and possessive and even the slightest suspicion can make her go mad. So, better not try to play the jealousy invoking tricks on her. (Some Leos I know- Mugdha (old friend), Vardayeeni (Colleague), Vaishnavi (cousin) )

Cancer: I haven’t been friends with a cancer female to date. Not that I know a person and dont want to. But I never came across. Cancer is a sign that has similar traits in both men and women. These crabs are normally very mysterious and confused. A cancerian female will have mood swings every now and then. So you would never be able to guess what she is going through at the very moment. She is very sensitive, emotional, kind and caring… and very very secretive. It takes some time for the crab to come out of the shell and accept people in her inner circle. It is her fear for rejection that does her in most of the times. So if a Virgo female has lot of guts, she has hardly any of them. Be very careful with the words you use with her. If you hurt her, you might need 3 packets of tissue paper to wipe off the tears. She can cry like a baby. I’m not aware of a cancer female I know.

Gemini: Do you feel like you know two different females, two different minds with one body? You are probably dealing with a Gemini. She can be that chirpy charming girl one day and the sarcastic timid self the other. She is so bubbly and fidgety, it is difficult to tie her down. A Gemini likes changes and is least likely to be bound by a relationship. Not only that she has a charm, she is also very passionate about every thing she does. She will be romantic and full of passion. Try kissing her and she will giggle herself out. She is so vivacious and full of life that with her, you will forget even the deepest of troubles. She has the ability to light up the most somber of surroundings with her presence. One thing she hates and some thing you will never find with her are monotony and boredom. If the lioness is possessive, she is the other way round. You stay out the entire night ans she wouldn’t even question. But you dont do that as well. With a Gemini, you will be often in the middle of the most soul satisfying conversations.  (Some Gemini’s I know- Megha (old friend), Vandana and Aparna (Good friends and Ex. Colleague) )

Taurus: Have you ever seen a bull crying or even whining? That is how a Taurus female is strong. Put her through the toughest of problems and she will come out fighting without shedding even a single tear. She is independent and has a mind of her own, but she does not want to dominate in the relationship. A Taurean woman also gets jealous, but only if you exceed the limits of casual flirtation. It’s better not to provoke her anger or you will be very sorry. She is intelligent but wont talk too much on brainy subjects. She also hates arguments. She is a gourmet and is also a good cook herself. She may not be the sexiest, but you are often bowled over by her charm. She will dress elegantly and will be very well-mannered. A Taurean woman will care for you when you are ill, will back you in your new business venture and let you take over the control of the home. And, you will always be treated to a warm, cozy home when you come back from office! The only Taurean I know well is my wife Rati.

Aries: If you have found a female who is surest of herself, she is probably an Aries. It is very difficult to please her. Because she has this incumbent thinking that she can do almost every thing on her own. And you manage to please her. You need not be the most manly guy. In fact, an Aries female hates flashy things and people. An Aries woman can survive even the toughest of circumstances alone and has the ability to come back even after the most gruesome tragedies. She can play the role of a female perfectly and, at the same time, can do everything that a man can do. She is possessive, but she doesn’t like to be possessed. She can be very jealous even at the slightest of suspicion. If an Aries girl gets hurt, she will become as cold as the ice in your fridge and this behavior may last an entire lifetime. An Aries female will never forgive you if you fail to fight for her. In return, she will always be there with you, even if she has to go against the whole world. She has a bad temper, but it will go away as quickly as it came and leave no grudges behind. Some Ariens I know- Prachi Sahay (Old friend), Hirkani (my real cousin), Deepti (MBA friend).

Thats about it folks, I hope you enjoy watching the movie ‘Whats your Rashee’ as much as you enjoyed reading this post.

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Kaminey!

Frankly speaking, I was very skeptical to go and watch Kaminey. That is not because of the fact that swine flu is rampant around here. But purely because of the fear to be disproved. I like the film maker in Vishal Bhardwaj. I have watched all his movies from Maachis to Blue Umbrella and none of them only once. But all of the movies either were made to show cast a purpose or pure adaptation of world class stories (or should I say themes) in Maqbool and Omkara. I knew Kaminey is neither, none.

Another reason of my fear of disappointment was Shahid Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra. I like bothof them. I feel they are very talented and genuine actors. I didn’t want their film to flop. But eventually I went ahead and watched the movie. Thank fully I was not disappointed. Kaminey is a very very generic story masterfully crafted into an intriuing piece of work. Although I think the comparison of Vishal to Quentin Tarantino or Ridley Scott is a bit hyped, primarily because Vishal Bhardwaj is a unique film maker. Matching Tarantino is a herculean task. I think Kaminey’s filming has a reminiscence of ‘The Departed’ by Martin Scorsese more than any one else. Anyway, Let us come to the movie now.

kamineyKaminey is a story of two siamise twins Guddu and Charlie (played by Shahid). Both have a speech defect. Guddu stammers where as Charlie pronunces ‘S’ as ‘F’. Charlie is a small time goon who bets on horses, manipulates and earns his daily bread. He has a dream to achieve, to be a big time booker one day. One day he gets double crossed by his own jockey. In a bid to revenge, he lands up in a 5 star hotel to bash the conspirator. But time turns the tide and while running away from the opposition gang, he gets embroiled in a drug smuglling controversy involving a don and the corrupt narcotics department of the Police.

Guddu on the other hand is a ‘guy next door’ who works with an NGO, loves a ‘marathi mulgi’ Sweety (Priyanka) and hates his brother for all his bad deeds. The story book affair turns soar when sweety gets pregnant. They can get married and live happily ever after, except that Sweety is a sister of a goon turned ‘Marathi wadi’ wannabe politician Bhope Bhau (Amole Gupte). Now Bhope Bhau surely doesn’t like this and when learning that Guddu is from UP, wants to finish him off.

The happenings in 24 hrs from here on, the movie gathers unmatched speed. Charlie wants to sells the drugs so that he can start his bookie business. Bhope wants to kill Guddu and marry his sister to the builders son for party funds. Guddu wants Charlie to give the drugs to Bhope so that he gets his money for funding his election campaign and Guddu gets his girl. The narcotics department wants Charlie so that they can get hold of the drugs and deliver it to the Don ‘Tashi’. And Tashi wants to finish every one off, get the drugs, sell it to the Angolian gangster in exchange of the diamonds. Confused? He he…  🙂

This is what makes Vishal Bhardwaj a master film maker. Excellent narration, brilliant camera angles and deft editing makes Kaminey a wonderful treat to watch. I heard lot of people saying the movie could have been little less violent. But I think to make a movie of this genre, it has to be raw. The dark surroundings, back ground score and the crisp dialogues makes it even more appealing. No point in singling out one actor as every one have performed par excellence. Shahid and Priyanka’s chemistry is great (I so much wish if she could have been a marathi mulgi in reality). And the Industry might have got a new baddie in Amole Gupte.

Overall I will give a 3 and half stars to the movie. And this rating is purely on the basis of the way the movie is made. Had there been a brilliant story/ theme (a.k.a. Omkara), I’d have given 5 stars easily. Go and watch once if you haven’t and if you can tolerate raw action.

Dostana Sucks! It really does!

Aint no body like my Desi Girl.

Right! Because there aint no body like Priyanka Chopra, the only highlight of this otherwise reckless, pointless and vehemently vulgar movie. We aint no American Pie and this aint no Miami. This is Mumbai and we love our guys and gals the way they are.

dostanaTarun Mansukhani and Karan Johar’s Dostana takes a dig at the gay and same sex couples in US. The movie is a portrayal of two fool hardy young folks (Abhishek as Sam and John as Kunal) fighting to rent an apartment in Miami. They pretend to be a gay couple so that they can share an apartment with the sultry svelte Neha (niece of the owner) played by Priyanka). The film moves into a series of ill palpable jokes bound by an extremely loose script and very hazy story line. Our folks obviously fall for the girl in between, yet struggling to tell her for the fear of being kicked out of the apartment. Enter Abhimanyu Singh (Bobby Deol) as Neha’s boss and later the love of her life. What follows is even more sickening when these guys bring heaven and hell together to woo their girl back.

Dostana must have originally conceived to literally rip the funny bone, forget tickling. But it looses much of its plot with limited or no comic punches. Moreover there is too much flesh on display without making it sensual. Its actually sickening. Tarun probably saw too much of ‘Full Monty’ like movies and wanted to replicate them. But he’s got it all wrong. Absence of a good script adds to the wows. Some of the scenes have been very badly written. Especially John’s griha pravesh and then the absolute stupidity towards the end. Don’t play with our emotions Tarun, we have had enough. And you Mr. errr Whatever Karan Johar… uff! Forget it.

Amongst the positives, Priyanka probably is the only highlight. She’s looked sexy, she is likable and very pleasant to the eyes. Its so much contrasting to her ‘Meghna Mathur’ figure in ‘Fashion’. Priyanka’s come a long way. Abahy Deol is okay, Boman Irani and Kiron Kher in cameos are totally wasted. John has managed to show off everything (almost) expect going completely nude. Abhishek is a brilliant actor, but he is handicapped by a malnourished script. Background score and music is good but generic. Desi Girl is topping the charts and Jaane kyun is also good. Rest is forgettable.

All in all, I wouldn’t give it more than a 2 out of 5 that too purely for Priyanka and the songs. Otherwise Dostana Sucks!