Anniversary Special Guest post no. 2 by Prateek Varma.
Since my birth I have been degrading the qualities of others, refusing to acknowledge that they had any talent whatsoever, whereas I am the pinnacle of human evolution, the ultimate human being who cannot be beaten in any field. So, in short I am your friendly neighbourhood narcissist.
Now you people must be guessing what I am doing on this blog, when a writer of my calibre should be writing novels and winning Nobels and Bookers each year. Yeah, I know I will sweep all awards the day I publish my first book, but till then I am willing to give others a chance, for a while though. Coming to the point, well, Mayur begged me on his knees to write a guest post and I decided to oblige and increase the hit count of his blog by an infinite amount.
Everyone here must be aching to become like me. Yeah, I know I am great and you wish to follow my each and every step, but understand, everyone is not as talented as I am. I was born great; you were not, but still if you wish to try.
Becoming a Narcissist is not a very difficult task, well not for me, I can’t say about the rest of you untalented lot. A Narcissist must understand that he is above everyone else, and then make sure that everyone else around him understands this fact and treats him like a god.
With about 22 years of experience backing me, I consider myself an authority in narcissism (every narcissist considers himself an authority on everything so it is nothing new). But I believe I have taken it to new heights, beyond anyone else’s reach.
But still if some people are interested in trying to catch up with me, here is a list of 10 points that I have written from my life experience. These, I believe, should be able to take anyone on the beautiful journey of becoming more like me:
- There is no feeling known as Shame. Shame is for the lesser humans. I have risen above such puny feelings.
- I am perfect and I know it. If anything is going wrong, it will be the fault of anyone and everyone else, but no one can blame me because I cannot do anything wrong.
- The attitude I portray is called arrogance by those who envy my awesomeness.
- Manipulating others and making them do my bidding is like a stroll in the park.
- I believe that if anyone can do anything then I can do it better.
- Everyone has to comply with all my whims and do every task I assign even if my demands are beyond reason. Actually none of my demands are beyond reason; it’s just that the others are not as capable as me.
- The other person has no rights or feelings. He/she is equivalent to a slave and exists only to serve my need. Once I have no use of his/her service, he/she is becomes an expendable commodity.
- My opponents have no talent whatsoever. If they are able to complete or achieve something, then it must be a lucky shot.
- I do not take responsibility of my action. I seldom tell about my future plans and do what I want to do, even if it means I have ride over a few people to achieve my objective. Furthermore, never expect any explanations to my actions.
- And finally, the rules I make cannot be broken by anyone. And I always have the final word and it is binding for all.
With these points I conclude this awesome essay. For those who have figured it out then I believe I have put a smile on your faces. For those who haven’t and are disgusted with the twisted mind and selfish, panjandrum, megalomaniacal behaviour of the writer. This was written as mixture of innuendo, caricature, nonsensism and a bit of high comedy.
Footnote: This is the last guest post.