L39: Call

Please read the part 1: Twilight and part 2: Twilight Continues before you proceed.

Ashish was walking briskly towards the terminus building as the memories flooded in front of his eyes. It was only 2 months since he knew Ashita and they had come so close to each other. Every day he observed her board the bus in the evening looking dejected, tired and lost. Being a bus conductor, it was a part of his job to talk to strangers and observe them briefly. And yet it wasn’t a part of his job to befriend his co-passengers and stare at one of them. It was not a part of his job to love a passenger and do favors to her… and it was also not a part of his profile to walk to the morgue.

Ashish’s and Ashita’s relationship had been one strange affair. “I swear I never looked at you… ever. But then I dont know what happened that day. I just couldn’t divert my mind off it.” she had told him on the day they went to the Worli sea face.

“And why did you not observe me? I see lot of passengers every day. But I remembered you. You only see one conductor and you still ignore him. Not done Ashi.”

“Oh did I ignore you? Well… may be I did. (chuckled) after all, who would want to look at a conductor?”

“Is it? And who am I now? Not a conductor?”

“Let me check… ummm… no you are not a conductor. You are one dumb guy sitting here with me on the sea face and not allowing me to go home on a working day.” and she would laugh loudly… so loud that every one around could hear her voice even with the sea roaring in the background.

L38: Twilight Continues…

Please read the part 1 of this story here.

“Your pass is expired.”

“Sorry?” Ashi was baffled by the conductor’s response.

“Pass Expire zala tumcha. The last date was 10th June. Today is 17th. You will have to buy a ticket.” The conductor said again.

“How is it possible? The other conductor has been checking it every day and didn’t tell me about it earlier.” Ashi argued with the new man. The conductor who recognised her and spoke to her yesterday was not there today. She didn’t even know if they deployed same conductors on the bus every day. She didn’t remember any one. But one thing she was sure of was that the young conductor, whoever he was, did check her pass every day and returned it to her. And never did he mentioned about the expiry date. But he was replaced today by an old and rather angry looking man. And he didn’t look like he was in a mood to amicably settle the debate.

“Madam, dont waste my time. Buy a ticket or get down. This pass needs to be renewed. Thats all!”

“Alright! Here you go…” and Ashi bought a ticket as she wondered who the other conductor really was. If her pass had expired a week back, why did the conductor allowed her to sit through? Was he hung on her? Or did he simply ignored her? No… if he ignored, he wouldn’t have recognised her and offered her a seat. And if he was hung on her, where the hell was he now? And why the hell Ashi was thinking about him, just a conductor? A jerk on one of the turns suddenly broke Ashi’s stream of thoughts. Probably she was thinking too much. But she had to get an answer to her doubts and find out who the guy was. She turned to the old guy managing the bus.

L37: Twilight

This story was in my mind for long time. But the mood and schedule delayed it. So you might find this story a bit patchy and disjointed.

Image Courtesy: Mayur Pathak

Ashi was finding it difficult to pace herself amongst the heavy crowd in front of her. It was 6:20 already and she had to get to the Worli bus stop in the next 5 minutes. On any other day, she would be sitting in the bus by now. But the conversation with Neil took that little extra time. Neil was her ex. colleague and supposedly a good friend. But today he made no attempt in hiding what he felt about Ashi.

“You are a vampire Ashi…” He had said. “You scare people away, do you know that?” … “Come out of that shell or you will never find a boy friend.”…

“But I dont want to find a boy friend!” retaliated Ashi.

“Keep telling that to yourself you gloomy face. You make others sad. And that gives others with no choice but to desert you.” …

“Shut up Neil!” …

“That is true Ashi. You either need to cheer up or get lost.”

“You get lost Neil!”

An average looking, shy and extremely modest girl, Ashi was some one who could go unnoticed even in a sparse crowd. With no fancy family background to back her, she was one of those who were amongst the first ones to hide in the crowd. And the fact was being evidenced by the way the people were shoving and moving in front of her. Not paying any heed to her urgency. She had a bus to catch, number 70Exp from Worli to Mira Road (E)… or from office to home. Most of the people who stayed at far off places preferred to travel by train. But she preferred a bus for the obvious reason… the crowd. And since she was late today, she had lost out on a seat. The bus was already full and ready to leave. Although there was a burly looking man sitting on a ‘ladies’ seat, she neither had the courage or the willingness to ask him to get up. She was just too tired and too much within self to ask him to get up.

“Can you get up? Please allow ladies to sit on the seats reserved for them.” A voice from behind broke her attention. “Basa Madam… have a seat. Aaj late?” The man asked while gesturing her to sit.

“Sorry?” Ashi was a bit baffled both at getting a seat and at the conductor of the bus asking her why she was late today. It was strange for him to ask and to recognise her as well. “Yeah… a bit late. Lot of work in the bank… by the way thanks.”

“Oh dont worry, I just gave you your seat.” He said as the bus chugged from the Nehru Planetarium bus stop.

It was indeed strange for Ashi to get recognised by a stranger. She had been travelling on this route for over an year and by this bus since the day it started. But never did she remember the face of any conductor or even a fellow passenger. It was no surprise since she got a similar treatment from others as well. Had Neil been here, she thought. So what if he was a conductor, some one… at least some one remembered her face.

The conductor got busy managing the passenger tickets and stops as the bus made its way on the approach road of the Bandra Worli Sea Link. Ashi gave a passing look to the guy who just recognised her, a skinny young boy with wheatish complexion and average but cheerful looks. She was surprised by his agility and responsiveness despite the fact that he must have put a hard day’s work, all standing in that bus filled to the brim. She glanced at the setting sun as the bus made its way to the sea link. It was early June and the sun was making its way back to the depot. The whole skyline on the Arabian sea was painted Orange. The shiny, simmering sun was making its presence felt even on the glass of the air conditioned bus… and then on to Ashi’s face. It was twilight, the time she loved most. Since her childhood, she always waited for this time in the rainy season, when the sunlight turned golden. She believed it brought her good luck. She glanced back at the conductor as the bus now pass through the Bandra reclamation area. He was still busy manning the crowd, issuing tickets, politely returning the 100/500 rupee notes and glancing back at her once in a while. She wondered if it was his chivalry or was it the good luck twilight brought to her. Whatever it was, it sure kept her busy during the rest of the one and half hour journey to Dahisar Check Naka.

The bus was now sparsely populated and well lit as the darkness had fallen outside. Its destination was now near. Between the songs on the listless radio channels, innumerable people getting in and out of the bus, thousands of vehicles battling for survival on the western express highways and the occasional glances by a man now recognisable, Ashi had had a good journey tonight. Although the conductor never spoke to her again, Ashi was beginning to get a bit nervous as her stop neared. There have been many men she had thought about and many she dreamt about. She wrote off many on her own and the rest never ever paid any heed to her presence. She was not used to attention by a stranger. And that is what made her nervous. As the golden nest bus stop approached, she wondered if the conductor will say some thing to her. Sadly, he didn’t!

Drizzle had already started as Ashi made her way out of the bus. As the water drops started piercing every part of her body, she watched the bus move away from her. She stood there as the blinking orange light from the bus’s right indicator faded. It reminded of the twilight some time back. Did it not bring her any luck? Oh he was just a conductor… she thought. Why should I be worried about some passing guy who gives away tickets in the bus? And she started her routine walk back to her apartment, completely forgetting the falling rain drops who were trying to remind her of the umbrella in her back pack.

To be continued…

L36: White Noise II

Please read part I: L35: White Noise here.

“… and he called me late on the same night. All he said was congratulations. I tried telling him how difficult it was to decide for me. In fact I was not even aware. Dad had met Rohit’s family and instantly knew he was the guy. I hardly got a chance to do any thing. We met once and thats it. It was done!” Bani was now looking sullen and a bit more worried.

“Okay… hmmm, go on!”

“Yogi has been behaving very weird lately, you know. There was a time when we used to talk twice a day and there is a time now when we hardly talk. And that too when I call. He seldom calls. And on all the calls we hardly have a decent conversation. I think he has become very restless since the time I got engaged. Its almost 2 months Amit!”

“You got engaged 2 months ago? And you are telling me now? How are you going to explain that Bani? This is sad… SAD!”

“It was just a rokka Amit, and any way thats not the point. The point is Yogi… and me”

“Hmmm… alright I get it. So may be Yogi loved you silently. And he is not able to accept the fact that you are now going to marry some one else. And now you dont know how to handle this situation, right?”

“Some thing like that. But…”

“No if, no but! Only Amit! … Well sorry that doesn’t exactly rhyme, but who cares? Dont you worry. Meet Yogi once and tell him exactly how you feel when he behaves so weird. Tell him now you are going to be married and he has to accept that. He must know that nothing can be there between you guys. Nothing ever was, so no point of him being hung on you. I think he will understand. If he doesn’t, tell me. I’ll talk to him.”

L34: Souvenir

“Hari… HARI! What do you want me to do with these soiled clothes of yours? Do I ask the maid to throw it out?” Lalit was shouting at the top of his voice standing in the balcony of his apartment. He was holding old clothes of Hari soiled with colours. Hari had worn them when he went to play the Holi festival, but had left them in the balcony… and Lalit was getting irritated because of the smell of the half moist and soiled clothes.

“No! Just leave them there. I want to keep them.” Said Hari from the kitchen.

“What are you going to do with them? Are you going to wear them again?”

“Why are you bothered Lalit. Just let them be there. I want them.”

“Want them for what? They are soiled, they are smelly and they are dirtying the <beep> gallery. I’m throwing them out right now.”

“Dare you do that you maggot.” And Hari was out of the kitchen with a knife in hand. He was cutting cucumber for salad. But the situation made the maid feel like Hari was charging towards Lalit to murder him with a peeling knife. “I said leave them there. I want them. I have memories to be cherished. I need to …”

“Oh what <beep> memories you <beep> <beep>? This must be like your 27^th Holi since you poked out of your mother’s womb. And of all the things in the world, you want to cherish those smelly clothes. What the <beep>!”

“You wouldn’t understand you, the heir of ‘Stone Cold Steve Austin’. Yesterday was my first Holi with Anita. I have fond memories of it. I want to cherish it.”

“Oh of course… the memories. Aha! The memories of Mr. Hariharan Iyer and his fat ass girl friend Anita. How cool you <beep>.”

“Lalit you… just disappear before I peel your intestine out. And if you think I’m an idiot, go fall in love first.”

L33: Termination

Please read the part I: The Minx and the part II: Making of the Minx, part III: Richa and part IV: Minxed before you proceed.

“Love is neither blind nor the lovers are blind folded. If one is pretending to be blind folded, there is some thing wrong with either his mind or his behaviour. It is more a combination of calculated emotions and the upheaval of sporadic reactions leading to one person getting attracted to the other. When I see a girl, I SEE her. I try to feel her. I try to be with her and imagine my life with her. When every thing fits perfectly, I start wanting her. This is how love originates…”

L30: Making of the Minx

Please read the first part of this story here.

The auditorium was bursting with students and faculties alike. Besides there were attendees from all over the state… neighbouring universities, colleges, science bodies, governing council members. Every one had come to witness the grand finale of the technical symposium at NIT in Pune. There was a bay for about 30 participants on the corner left hand side of the auditorium, meant only for students who were finalists in various competitions. One guy was needlessly waving towards his friends and other pretty girls around, name was Ravi Rajadhyaksha. Ravi had participated in the most innovative projects category by providing the working model of hydraulic elevator powered by steam and inert nitrogen meant for small buildings and hospitals. This was a winning project in several other competitions where Ravi participated. He had swept the awards. The competition at NIT was a prestigious one. This was his final frontier. Lot of talks had preceded every competition he participated in, and his victories had quashed them all. But there were talks that Ravi had serious competition this time from a girl who hailed from Surat. Her name was Meghna Shah.

Couple of other participants presented before Ravi. They were torn apart from the jury. But as expected, Ravi’s presentation went well. He answered all the queries well and almost convinced the sponsors to lend him the required monitory support. He was never worried about the competition. He knew he was going to be richer by another 15,000. “So ladies and gentlemen, that was Mr. Rajadhyaksha from our own college. Next participant coming up is Miss Meghna Shah… please put your hands together for the pretty lady!”

And boy, she was pretty. Ravi saw her for the first time while descending from the dais. He was glued to those brown eyes, dark brown mane curled very prudishly on her shoulder, wearing a figure hugging white kameez with pine strip style decorated salwar and chunari aptly complimenting the fair skinned beauty. It was very difficult not to look at her and have the eyes glued to her for a long time. Meghna’s aura was unmatchable. As they crossed path, Meghna sheepishly touched the back of Ravi’s palm. She turned, gazed at Ravi, smiled and said “Sorry… Ravi”

The grin was difficult to pass off. Ravi tried hard to concentrate on what Meghna was speaking. She had and idea and a plan to virtualise the entire education system. She wanted to do away with classrooms. Ambitious, people thought. Magnanimous, the critics thought. No pretty girls? How sad, the boys thought. But Ravi thought nothing. He just couldn’t keep his eyes off the beautiful maiden on the dais, fiddling with her chunari, putting her hair to the back of her ears, rubbing her palms across her thighs… well; it was a treat to all.

The competition ended in a tie after a fierce battle between the critics and the jury. Finally both Ravi and Meghna had to share the prize. Ravi would have turned the world upside down on that. But today was different. He wasn’t complaining at all. What surprised him though was that Meghna wasn’t complaining too. “Congratulations Mr. Rajadhyaksha, sharing isn’t that bad with you. Why not we spend the earning together?” was what she said to him when they were awarded. “Yes” was an understatement by far to echo Ravi’s sentiments. They ended up spending the 15,000 bucks hiring a luxury car, going to Lonavla and spending the entire day together at a lavish resort. They talked about each other, they laughed, they roamed around, and they even swam together in the swimming pool. But they didn’t even hold hands, forget any thing else. Ravi was too scared, though too tempted.

“You are to cute Ravi. It is difficult not to think about you. I’m sure we will meet again. I pray we do.”

“Hey… Megs! Does that mean we are not meeting again?”

“I dont know just yet. But we surely will.”

“What does that mean? You are deserting me?”

“Okay, if you are so desperate, I’m sure you will find me.”

“Is this some kind of a joke?”

“Do you think what we did in Lonavla was a joke?”

“We what? Excuse me, we did nothing in Lonavla.”

“Oh… I see. So you want to sleep with me, is it that you want Ravi?”

“Well I didn’t say that, I mean yes I’m attracted to you. But thats not what I meant. I’m sorry.”

“You better not be Ravi. I thought I had started… well… I dont know” and she slowly curled her hands around Ravi. The moment was one of the most unforgettable ones for Ravi. Ever!

That was 2001. Against what he thought, Meghna did desert him. She used to call him, but rarely and occasionally. She seemed a different person every time she called. They were only a handful of calls though. Gradually even they stopped. Ravi tried locating her in vain. But never got a breakthrough. Meghna was senior to him and no one knew where she went after college. He found out she used to hang out with some boys in her college in Surat, though no one was sure if any or all of them were her boy friends. And almost all of them had stories to tell, similar to Ravi. They all cursed her, some emotionally and some blatantly. And they all had one complain in common. She never went physical with any of them. Each on though she had slept with all other except him. They all said she was fake. But Ravi knew some where at the back of his mind that the kiss was not fake. He felt for her. She needed him. He knew she needed him. All he had to do was to find her.

And this was 2010. He was standing under the shower trying to fend Richa’s question. Who was Meghna indeed? Why was he attracted to her? ‘What do I tell her?’ he thought.

To be continued…

L29: The Minx

PS: This story will have multiple parts. Even I’m not sure how many (as on 4/3/10). But I hope you will enjoy it. Thank you in advance for the patience.

“Have you lost your mind Ravi? You… you even know what you are talking about? God!” and Kevin almost spilled the cup of coffee on to the table. The music at Barista was loud. But Kevin’s sudden outburst made more than a couple of heads turn.

“Kevin… control yourself. I just…” Ravi too was taken aback. He didn’t expect Kevin to react so sharply.

“No you idiot! You know what you are telling me?”

“C’mon Kevin. I shared it with you so you could understand what I’m saying. I thought you were my best friend. But you seem to…”

“What the F*** do you mean I’d understand you? Is this some kind of a joke? Are you telling me that we are living in a Karan Johar movie?”

“See Kevin I know it is very strange. I know probably we are all way too conservative to understand it too. But…”

“Conservative? You said conservative? Bloody you are…”

“Listen to me Kevin. Buddy I know it is wrong and weird. But what do I do? This is what I’m going through for last few weeks. And I had to share it with you. I know I’m wrong. But I cant help Kevin. I just cant… I shouldn’t be thinking about her at all. But what d I do? Quit my job because of that? I dont know what to do and that is why I thought of telling you.”

“Ravi I’m still not understanding you man. I’d have helped you had it been other way round. But you are telling me here that You, Ravi YOU are attracted to her. And then you tell me you cant help it. What do I infer?”

“Thats what I want you to help me figure out.”

“You are right Ravi. I dont understand you. But I want you to get this in your head. Just sort out whatever it is. I you ever cross the limit and if I find out anything nasty, you are going to have it from me and Richa. You better not hope that it happens.”

Ravi decided to stay back for some more time after Kevin left. ‘Couple of minutes more’, he told himself. Couple of minutes became couple of hours, and more than a couple of cappuccinos. He finally picked up Richa’s third call after letting it ring for the first two times. He was late for what he had promised. But he wasn’t sure if he was interested.

By the time Ravi reached home, Richa’s patience for a romantic candle lit dinner had already vanished. He could see her svelte figure as a silhouette in a thin night gown while he removed his shoes. “A good sex is immaterial of available physical strength.” He remembered a quote from him senior in his engineering college. Yeah, he was right. It had got to do with the mental peace. And that is what Ravi was short of. He wanted time to think. But wasn’t sure what he wanted to think about. He didn’t get much time anyway… Richa was all over him even before he could put his bag aside.

15 minutes later, a reluctant Ravi made a move to the bathroom.

“Darling” said Richa

“Yeah?” Ravi

“Are you alright?”

“Oh yes, perfect. Just a bit tired.”

The splashing of shower was a bit loud for Ravi to recognise that his phone was ringing. It was 11:30 in the night. Given the fact that Ravi worked in a liaison role, Richa knew he wouldn’t be getting official calls at this time. It aroused the curiosity… and the voice on the other side brought a frown. “I’m sorry, but he doesn’t take official calls at this hour. Thank you!” and she hung up.

“Darling… Ravi!”

“Yeah dear” Ravi responded while still trying to stay under the shower for as much time as possible.

“Who is this Meghna Shah?”

… the splashing of the shower suddenly became louder as the bottle of body wash fell doen on the floor. He wished if he didn’t hear that question at all.

“Ravi… are you there?”

To be continued…

L28: Man in the Mirror

“Wo Sham… kuchh ajeeb thi. Ye sham bhi ajeeb hai. Wo kal bhi paas paas thi wo………….”

Mirrors! A strange thing a man has invented, isn’t it? What do they do? Show you the way you are? the way the world is able to see you? literally? Not exactly, thought Sneha. In the background of the Kishore Kumar song from Khamoshi, a beautiful lady was standing in front of a mirror occupying a semi plastered semi painted dead wall in one of the farthest, evil looking room in the Carmichael working women’s hostel in Indira Nagar, Bangalore… naked. The out of place hair and the fuller, rounded but saddled breasts in the mirror echoed exactly what Sneha’s mood has been lately. The mirror was showing her pale, near lifeless figure. He was lying. Sneha was looking beyond it…

“Who are you?”

———

Life’s realities are, more often than not, stark contrasts to the life we live or imagine to live. We dream. We dream a lot… in fact we just dream. Maxie used to say this. Maxie Rodriguez, an aspiring air force pilot. His dream was to fly. He dreamt it all his child hood and painted his walls and his memories with the pictures from sky. No he didn’t believe in looking down upon people. He just believed in flying above them… until he met Sneha.

———

“Wo Sham… kuchh ajeeb thi. Ye sham bhi ajeeb hai. Wo kal bhi paas paas thi wo………….”

“Oh god, ye phir ruk gaya. Sneha darling, do some thing about your CD player yaar. Anyway, no problem. Where Kishore stops, Maxie starts. Wo aaj bhi kareeb hai…”

“Oh oye oye oye… hello. Please haan, please have some pity on me and my neighbours. Otherwise they will throw me outta here.”

“So no problem lady, come and stay with me.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, why not?” and Maxie grabbed Sneha while she was combing her hair in front of the mirror. Now both were looking in the mirror. “Aur kya Sneha, look at you, you are so sexy, who wouldn’t want to… ummm” and he slowly slipped his hand inside her white tee.

“Hmmm… watch out!”

“What watch out Sneha, we just made love some time back.”

“… and two days back as well. And a week before that, and another week before that… So?”

“So? So I think we are in love.”

“May be… So?”

“What do you mean by so? We are in love, we should get married.”

“Maxie now dont get me started okay? I have a career in front of myself. I wanna be some one before I even think of marriage.”

“Read your card Ms. Sneha Inamdar, you are team leader in a multi national BPO. You have money, you have a car, you will buy a home soon. What else?”

“What else? Look at you. You wanted to become a pilot. You were preparing for it. You have your exams in some time and what are you doing here? Fondling with my… Maxie for gods sake.”

“You are hurting me Sneha. I love you. So much that I’m willing to let go my dangerous career ambition and spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Dont be a limp Maxie.”

“Sneha!”

“MAXIE!!!”

———

The debate still goes on. People believe in larger than life attitude. But often forget what the life is all about. We learn to live and then we live to earn. We dream because we want to imagine what we want to be. And we keep dreaming about what we will be. Yet, we stand in front of the mirror and make ourselves up in order to see ourselves the way the world wants to see. Every one at the end of it, wants to fly like a carefree bird. But they forget that even that bird has a nest to keep. And a bird like that, can seldom fly high.

“Is it you? I know it is you. I’m fed up Maxie. Fed up of running around a movable aim. You were right about my attitude towards life. I should have listened to you Maxie. But mistakes happen. Please dont leave me like that. Please dont do this to me.”

There was a moment of silence in the room.

“YOU WERE GOD DAMN RIGHT MAXIE!!!”

CLANG! and the mirror on the wall was shattered in hundreds of pieces on the floor.

———

The conversation with Sneha had a deep impact on Maxie. He became the last man to be selected to fly for the Indian Navy after the rigorous exams and physical tests, quite unlikely to the expectations of his coach. He had thought Maxie would qualify hands down. The next two years turned out to be the most treacherous for him. Yes his dream was to fly. But it derailed some where. There were times when he hopelessly hoped either of the two things wouldn’t have happened to him. Either the dreams or Sneha. Yes the two remained in touch. But the talks never went beyond the obvious and typical conversations. Hours before his first test flight from Verem Naval base in Goa, he had called Sneha and told that he was afraid of flying. That he wanted to quit right there. Sneha had no option but to cheer him up.

A sortie of eight MIG 21s flew from the INS Viraat that afternoon. But only seven returned to the base.

———

The clang of the mirror was loud enough to wake up the hostel girls. But it took some time and enormous courage from few of them to locate the place and actually see what happened. What they saw came to them as a rude shock.

Some where in Bangalore, a television set was airing the following from a some news channel.

“We are standing in front of the Carmichael Hostel in Indira Nagar in Bangalore where a young lady, possibly in her late twenties, was found dead under mysterious circumstances. The lady’s name is told to be Sneha Inamdar who worked in a leading BPO as an Operations Manager. She was found by her room mates lying naked in a pool of blood with a piece of mirror pierced in her throat. Pieces of mirror were seen shattered around the room. Although rape is ruled out, police are suspecting foul play and all the women staying the hostel are being interrogated. No further record is currently available about Sneha Inamdar. We will keep you updated as the case progresses. With cameraman S. Sundararajan, This is Vanitha reporting live from Indira Nagar, Bangalore.”

L27: The Dialogue

This story is purely on public demand. Please read the first two parts –> Tejas & Namita and The question before reading further.

—-

After multiple smses and numerous attempts to reach Namita on her cell phone, the home and office land line number, Tejas finally picked up his father’s mobile and dialled Namita.

“Hello…”

“Hey Namita… this is Tejas here. I…”

“Hey, listen I’m a bit busy. Can you call me after…”

“Namita… I know you are trying to avoid me. Look I’m sorry for what happened the other day at the restaurant.”

“Listen Tejas. I dont want to talk about it. What has happened has happened. Now let us not discuss it and try to reinvent some thing out of it. You have your own view points and I have mine. For me, the case is closed.”

“It is very easy for you to say the case is closed… isn’t it? (Pause) I just asked a question and you stormed out of the restaurant.”

“Tejas it was not just a question.”

“I know… and it was very stupid of me to ask as well. But what could I do? That stupid Abhi put this thing in my head and it was just not going. Not that it bothers me… In fact I should have no bounds on what you did in your past.”

“Exactly… you have nothing to do with what I did earlier. You just made an assumption because I’m a foreign return… thanks to your loose ears and stupid friend. And you just put a blame on me. Did I ask you about your past affairs? I didn’t. Because it doesn’t matter.  It is your past. In my opinion, history should only be read… not followed and questioned in present.”

“If you ask me, history shouldn’t even be read. A bad past, if remembered, always haunts the present. But that is not the point I’m trying to make. Now if you allow me to speak a li’l, I can explain.”

“Hmmm…”

“Thank you madam. Do you know what is possessiveness?”

“Yes I do and I dont like it at all.”

“No one does Namita. But it is important to find the cause that leads to possessiveness. And that is emotional insecurity. A feeling that your loved one will leave you one day for good and for some one else. Any contributing factor to it is then hated and looked at with regret. But you need to love some one so much to actually see how it works.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I wish you could see me smile. Anyway, I’m only trying to tell you about the angst and despair these desperate possessive human beings feel. I’m saying ‘these’ because I’m not one of them. May be you are right in saying that I have loose ears. But I’m not driven by madness. The stupid taunt by Abhi and then the incident with you, actually took me back in my memory lane. Well, I had lied. I didn’t have any girl friend earlier. There was just this girl in my class whom I admired. But one day I saw her in embrace of another guy making a plan to freak out on a hill station resort. It killed me and my emotions… to an extent that I couldn’t even talk to her as a friend. Few days later she had a bad breakup and probably wanted a friend to comfort her. But I was hurt, and I never looked back.”

“You left her… rather didn’t go to her because she had an affair.”

“Not exactly. I loved her… but I just couldn’t come to terms with the reality.”

“Why? I mean why did you not go back even though you loved her? Probably she was no longer a virgin… that is why?”

“No Namita. We Indians deal with the issue of virginity with a very light heart. A person who has had physical relationships before marriage is a person to despise. Although it is unfair… but do you know why there is some sense in it too?”

“Tell me.”

“It is called as an emotional affair. There is an old adage. First love is seldom forgotten. I dont know how true it is given today’s generation. But some where we are all like that. We tend to carry an emotional baggage with us, good or bad, with every step we go ahead in life. We are always so serious about life and emotions that we tend to take every thing as a bold line. And we would never indulge in what we call a physical relationship unless we are sure about it ourselves. Dont you think you will want to have an emotional connect with a person before you actually offer yourself to some one?” (pause) “Namita?”

“Yeah. I’m here. You are right. We are far too emotional in taking decisions. I stormed out of the restaurant the other night because I thought you were biased. I thought even you believed in the physical rather than the emotional. May be I was wrong.”

“You were not wrong. Because in a way I questioned your modesty. My question itself was wrong. May be I should have asked how far were you involved in your affair… or did you have a dirty emotional break up… or… or do you still remember the bits and pieces of the old relationship even today?”

“Tejas I … I dont know what to say. But believe me, I dont have such an intense past. And whatever I had, I have dumped and buried it in the past. It doesn’t bother me today at all.”

“I cant tell you how happy I am to hear that. Because a new relationship can not start if you have a lingering emotional past. And if the past is intense, it is difficult to let some one in.”

“You are right. Tejas, I’m sorry for the emotional outburst. I almost ruined every thing.”

“It is all right. Have you spoken any thing at home? Did you tell them any thing?”

“No. As in, any thing about what?”

“About us. I’m sure you remember we were supposed to get married.”

“No… I mean yes I did tell them that I need some more time. But thats it. I go by a quote. Never take a decision when you are very angry and make a commitment when you are very happy.”

“Oh wow. Nice quote and a good judgement as well. So what are we telling them?”

“Well… Let me think some more Mr. Joshi (giggles). I’ll let them know.”

“And what about me?”

“What about you?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay. Now the truth is, I was actually busy doing some thing. So I’ll have to hang up now. Call you soon. Okay? C ya”

“Namita…!”

“Yes?”

“I aaa… I Love you!”